To Dr. Phil or not to Dr. Phil -- that’s not really the question

When I first started as a counselor, I hated Dr. Phil....HATED him. However, now that I've been in the business for 5 years, I've learned to really appreciate him and, uh, even love him a little.

See, I work with people who have been labeled with a "Severe and Persistent Mental Illness" (SPMI). I say "labeled" because the reason they're labeled as such is due to their "diagnosis" which is usually Schizophrenia, Bipolar, or Depressive Disorder.

However, this label is extremely misleading because everyone with such a diagnosis is not "SPMI." What makes someone SPMI is an inability to fully function in the community. This is much more than shopping, eating, showering and paying your bills, because most people with SPMI can do these things.

Instead, to "fully function in the community," you need social skills - the ability to listen, compromise, and understand that sometimes you just can't get your own way. If you have this ability, you can work, go to school, and have healthy relationships with friends, family, and lovers. There are many, many people with Schizophrenia, Bipolar and Depressive Disorder who can do these things. As a result, they are not labeled SPMI.

However, there are people stuck in limbo. They haven't been labeled SPMI because they ARE able to work, go to school, form relationships, etc. However, they don't have the ability to "get along with people." These are the people Dr. Phil has on his show. So in essence, Dr. Phil and I also works with same type of people - those who lack social skills.

This brings me back to my original point. At first, I hated Dr. Phil for the sole reason that he was too confrontational and challenging. It really didn't bother me that he was an arrogant know-it-all. Since he's the Rock Star of Therapy, he's bound to think this way. Also, I've worked in hospitals, and this is a common mindset among doctors - and it should be (to some extent.) After all, I'm not sure I want some wishy-washy, insecure doctor deciding if i need surgery or not.

So I was able to get past Dr. Phil's personality, but not his therapeutic style. This is due to the fact that my own style, when I started in the business, was supportive, friendly, and validating. I did not like to challenge and confront people. I didn't like to point out another person's bad behaviors. As a result, I was a very, very ineffective counselor for the first year or two.

See, my original style did nothing but REINFORCE a clients lack of social skills. For example, if clients were perpetually mean and condescending to me, I didn't help by being supportive and friendly to them. All I did was teach them that it's okay to treat people like that.

So if I was to help clients at all, I had to start confronting and challenging their hurtful behaviors. Of course, I try to do this in a supportive, friendly, and validating way. But I'll admit, sometimes I don't. Like anything, my therapeutic style is a work in progress.

That said, whether we like Dr. Phil or not has nothing to do with him, and EVERYTHING to do with us. Yes, Dr. Phil makes mistakes. And yes, Dr. Phil thinks he knows everything about everything. But this aside, Dr. Phil's main point is ALWAYS right - that if people don't change their behaviors, they're going to continue being miserable.

Dr. Phil didn't invent this. It was Albert Einstein who said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Makes sense, right? But if it doesn't, that's the root - the root of our problems, and by extension, the root of our distaste for Dr. Phil and anyone else who tries to tell us this (our therapist, family, friends, spouse, boss, etc.)

So in short, the way you feel toward Dr. Phil is not really the central issue. The real issue here is WHAT makes you feel that way. Answer that question, and you'll have all the answers you need.