Recovery...it's YOUR responsibility

Unfortunately, due to that necessary evil called "managed health care," getting treatment for mental health issues basically goes like this:

"You've got a disease. Take your pills. Stop thinking like that. Pay the receptionist on your way out. Who's next?"

Remember, I'm a therapist, so I see this first hand. It happens because mental health issues are considered an "illness" whose only form of "legitimate" treatment is in a "medical-based" system.

The "pros" to this is that we can receive treatment and get it paid by insurance. The "cons" is that treatment focuses on symptoms, not strengths.

When you go to your doctor with flu-like symptoms, he/she gives you a prescription and sends you on your way. Doctors don't discuss your lifestyle, trying to figure out what you do right so they can encourage you to keep doing those things to prevent getting the flu again.

They can't, cuz insurance companies pay "decreased rates" (that the insurance co. decides, not the Doc.) So in order to make any money at all, Doctors need to see as many patients as possible, which leaves little time for you.

Now mental health therapy is the same way since insurance also covers it. So you probably won't be encouraged to focus on strengths in your therapy sessions cuz your therapist NEEDS to address your symptoms.

Why? Cuz if therapists don't do this and you end up in crisis, it's their job on the line (i.e. more money to malpractice insurance companies and lawyers, and less for the people who have devoted their lives to helping people - or so they thought).

In short, the system sucks, which was my reason for starting MHRP.

If you truly want to recover from your mental health issues, you are the one who's going to have to do the work. In other words, you can't rely on your Dr., therapist, or a pill to make you feel better.

And you're already doing it. By visiting this site, you're proving you're attracted to the word "recovery." You're thinking it and believing it. And you're willing to try to get better, despite the limited care you receive from the system.

For that, I am truly grateful.

The Blame Game

I'll be the first to admit...I'm guilty of this myself. I tend to either blame others, or myself, for my problems. But even tho you properly place the blame where it belongs, seriously, where does that get you?

My point? Well, to begin with, there's always someone to blame for screwing our lives up. Here, I'll give you a list of the likely suspects:

- Ourselves
- Parents
- Siblings
- Spouse
- Significant Other
- So-called friends
- Co-workers
- The boss
- Neighbors
- Therapists
- Doctors
- The extremely-slow cashier at the supermarket
- The asshole who doesn't know how to drive in the car ahead of us
- That jerk-off who mows his lawn at 7am
- Dr. Phil (yep, couldn't resist)

So that about covers it for most of us. These people have, and will continue to "wrong" us for as long as we live. And yes, you have the right to be angry. But anger does nothing but immobilize you. It makes you sit there with your fists clenched and stress-hormones pumping.

In other words, anger is a slow-death and doesn't solve anything. And problems are meant to be solved.

Here's a couple examples. I told my boyfriend this morning: "I eat too much, I smoke too much, and I sleep too much." Who's to blame? Well, me, of course. But if I was to sit around, blaming myself for being an over-indulgent loser, then I would feel even more shitty...and eat, drink and sleep some more.

Instead, I found this self-revelation to be a starting point for change. Yeah, A.A. is right when they say that admitting you have a problem is an important step toward recovery. You can't solve it if you don't know it's there. So after saying the first part to my boyfriend, I added: "I guess I need to make some changes."

Here's another example. I was verbally and quite maliciously attacked by a co-worker recently at the start of the workday. My response? Well, I cried my eyes out for an hour, threatened to quit, and only calmed down after I smoked a half-pack of cigarettes and ate 3 donuts. Even then, I was so wiped-out that I went home after lunch.

So could we say she ruin my day?? No!
Did I let her ruin my day? Well, yeah.
Who's to blame? No one.

Again, I used it as a good learning-lesson. True, I analyzed and obsessed about the incident for days (and yes, slept too much, ate too much, and smoked too much...gotta love unhealthy coping skills.)

But in the end, I realized my errors (which, in this case, was to try to reason with someone in an irrational mood - which rarely works.) So now I know what I can try to do the next time this happens (because it will happen again...maybe not with this person, but definitely with another person. There's no shortage of people in irrational moods.)

In both these examples, I could have held on to my anger toward myself and my co-worker. But I didn't. I looked at each situation as a problem to solve, then started doing things to solve it. And as I did this, my anger toward both myself and my co-worker melted away. Seriously, it just melted...

You can never, ever, ever, ever change another person.

But you can change yourself.

In short...
Don't let the blame-game ruin your recovery!!!!

To Dr. Phil or not to Dr. Phil -- that’s not really the question

When I first started as a counselor, I hated Dr. Phil....HATED him. However, now that I've been in the business for 5 years, I've learned to really appreciate him and, uh, even love him a little.

See, I work with people who have been labeled with a "Severe and Persistent Mental Illness" (SPMI). I say "labeled" because the reason they're labeled as such is due to their "diagnosis" which is usually Schizophrenia, Bipolar, or Depressive Disorder.

However, this label is extremely misleading because everyone with such a diagnosis is not "SPMI." What makes someone SPMI is an inability to fully function in the community. This is much more than shopping, eating, showering and paying your bills, because most people with SPMI can do these things.

Instead, to "fully function in the community," you need social skills - the ability to listen, compromise, and understand that sometimes you just can't get your own way. If you have this ability, you can work, go to school, and have healthy relationships with friends, family, and lovers. There are many, many people with Schizophrenia, Bipolar and Depressive Disorder who can do these things. As a result, they are not labeled SPMI.

However, there are people stuck in limbo. They haven't been labeled SPMI because they ARE able to work, go to school, form relationships, etc. However, they don't have the ability to "get along with people." These are the people Dr. Phil has on his show. So in essence, Dr. Phil and I also works with same type of people - those who lack social skills.

This brings me back to my original point. At first, I hated Dr. Phil for the sole reason that he was too confrontational and challenging. It really didn't bother me that he was an arrogant know-it-all. Since he's the Rock Star of Therapy, he's bound to think this way. Also, I've worked in hospitals, and this is a common mindset among doctors - and it should be (to some extent.) After all, I'm not sure I want some wishy-washy, insecure doctor deciding if i need surgery or not.

So I was able to get past Dr. Phil's personality, but not his therapeutic style. This is due to the fact that my own style, when I started in the business, was supportive, friendly, and validating. I did not like to challenge and confront people. I didn't like to point out another person's bad behaviors. As a result, I was a very, very ineffective counselor for the first year or two.

See, my original style did nothing but REINFORCE a clients lack of social skills. For example, if clients were perpetually mean and condescending to me, I didn't help by being supportive and friendly to them. All I did was teach them that it's okay to treat people like that.

So if I was to help clients at all, I had to start confronting and challenging their hurtful behaviors. Of course, I try to do this in a supportive, friendly, and validating way. But I'll admit, sometimes I don't. Like anything, my therapeutic style is a work in progress.

That said, whether we like Dr. Phil or not has nothing to do with him, and EVERYTHING to do with us. Yes, Dr. Phil makes mistakes. And yes, Dr. Phil thinks he knows everything about everything. But this aside, Dr. Phil's main point is ALWAYS right - that if people don't change their behaviors, they're going to continue being miserable.

Dr. Phil didn't invent this. It was Albert Einstein who said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Makes sense, right? But if it doesn't, that's the root - the root of our problems, and by extension, the root of our distaste for Dr. Phil and anyone else who tries to tell us this (our therapist, family, friends, spouse, boss, etc.)

So in short, the way you feel toward Dr. Phil is not really the central issue. The real issue here is WHAT makes you feel that way. Answer that question, and you'll have all the answers you need.